We start new habits with the aim of improving some aspect of our lives - our physical health, mental wellbeing, wealth, or relationships. If we know that our new habits are beneficial and will help us in the long run, then why are we not sticking to them?
From working with people on a daily basis, I’ve seen it all too many times how new habits are implemented with great intentions, but over time they slowly dwindle until they return to their previous way of being. I have been very guilty of this myself over the years, and it has taken a lot of work for me to improve upon. Here are some things that I have personally made the mistake of making (many times) and how I have helped address them.
Why We’re Failing and How To Address It
1. Too much too soon – when I see someone introducing a habit, many times they aim too high too quickly. For example, for someone who currently eats no vegetables and wants to improve their diet by eating more vegetables. They create a new goal of eating 5 portions of every day. That is a massive increase for someone who currently eats no vegetables and is unlikely to be sustainable long-term. Instead, aiming to incorporate one portion into their dinner every day may be a more achievable goal. Once they have done this for a few weeks, they can then aim to further increase their intake by increasing portion size or adding them to a different meal. By stacking one small habit on to another, we can make real long-term change.
2. You’re doing it because you feel like you have to, not because you want to – If you’re starting to do something new because you feel like it’s what you should be doing, or because someone else wants you to do it, then chances are the long-term adherence is not going to be amazing. The desire to change needs to come from you, not because your favourite social media influencer is doing it. Consider your values and what is important to you long-term. If your new habit is in alignment with this, it will make adherence more realistic.
3. Too much friction – by this I mean your new habit requires too much effort on your behalf. If you want to start going to the gym 3 mornings per week, but the gym is a 30-minute drive away, this will increase friction. Especially on dark, cold winter mornings. If this is the case, you could reduce friction by going to a gym closer by or doing a home workout in the morning before starting your day. If we want to create a positive habit, we want to create as little friction as possible. If we want to limit a negative habit, we want as much friction as possible.
4. You’re not noticing changes – sometimes when beginning a new habit it may feel disheartening if we don’t start to see or feel changes quickly, even if you know it’s a good thing to do. It’s a lot easier to notice the immediate negative changes, than it is to see the more positive long-term outcome.
Lets look at mobile phone usage in bed as an example. I have previously tried multiple times to stop going on my phone in bed as I knew it wasn’t great for me. However, I would always succumb and pick the phone up. Why? Probably the immediate discomfort of loneliness and lack of social connection. Also, the phone was right beside my bed. Then I tried to increase the friction, so I put the phone on the opposite side of the room. After a few days of doing this, you start to see the subjective improvements. Better sleep latency, improved sleep quality, less grogginess upon waking, and more productive the next morning. Once you can see these changes for yourself, it is much easier to adhere to.
5. Short-term pain, Long-term gain (and vice versa) – As humans, we naturally want to escape pain and receive pleasure. Which is part of the reason why some people find it so hard to do that which is difficult. In the short-term, those things which bring instant pleasure generally come with long-term negative sequelae when done regularly or excessively (e.g. smoking, alcohol, drugs, unprotected sex). Those which may cause instant discomfort, come with long-term gain (e.g. exercise, study, homecooked meals, difficult conversation with your partner).
If we can reframe this and look towards the longer-term – for example if we want to lose 15 pounds (outcome goal), we must eat well and within a calorie deficit on a daily basis (process goal). If we follow this process and begin to see results, it will become less painful and more rewarding. Track your changes to help get that ‘dopamine boost’ when you see your numbers improving.
Another useful hack is habit coupling – couple a healthful habit you find boring or uncomfortable with something you enjoy. For example, if your goal is to become more flexible but you hate stretching. Put your favourite podcast on for 15 minutes as a timer and stretch for that period. It will make the time pass quicker, and over time you will begin to associate stretching with your favourite podcast.
These are just some of the many difficulties I’ve run into over the years with habit formation and long-term adherence, and some of the ways I’ve helped myself and others along the way. No doubt there are countless more potential problems and fixes, but these are some I’ve found to be very common.
I’ll leave you with a quote from James Clear
“You do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems”.
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